Vernon called the President
One day in the oval office,
And said,” This here is Vernon Bent
Down here in Cutandshoot, Texas.
“I called to tell you some of us
Old boys is fixin’ to cecede.
And we’re prepared, if you make a fuss.”
The President said, “How big’s your army?”
Vern said, “There’s me, my brother Dean,
Harlley Simpson, my cousin Bu-Bu,
And Harley’s whole dang bowling team,
And six guys from the Vee Eff Dub’ya.”
The President said, “And cavalry?”
Vern said, “We got six pickup trucks,
A ridin’ mower, a ATV,
A John Deere tractor, and three golf carts.”
The President said, “I can muster
A hundred tanks, ten thousand troops,
And fifty attack helicopters.”
Vernon said, “I’ll get back to you.”
The next day, Vern called back at nine,
And said, “We’re callin’ off this war.”
The President said, “What changed your mind?”
Vern said, “It’s more’n we can afford.
“We done had ourselves a parlay
Over a couple Lone Star beers,
And we decided ain’t no way
We can feed ten thousand pris’ners.”
In the beginning was the law,
And the law said time brought only loss,
And everything must run down hill.
But there was another law as well.
The second law said matter might
Over ride the first law for a time
And grow itself through toil and strife.
This second law was the law of life.
Life flourished then in seas and forests
Through many a metamorphosis.
Green algae turned to sturdy ferns,
Then morphed into giant conifers.
And trilobites to fishes branched,
And then Tiktaalik crawled out on land.
The dinosaurs long held sway,
Until birds and mammals took the stage.
And then came man, maker of gods,
Subjugator of horses and dogs,
Grower of corn, wager of war,
Smarter that any creature before.
Barely two hundred years ago,
Mankind had reached a billion or so,
And Thomas Malthus said that we
Would all starve by eighteen-twenty-three.
But even as Malthus preached our doom,
Mankind was busy with something new:
The pinnacle of evolution –
The great industrial revolution.
With industry, man created wealth,
And freedom followed by itself.
And what comes after wealth and freedom?
The @&#!%* government, if we let ‘em.
Kruckeberg, G. E. (2012-02-07). Parallel Humorverses. Kindle Edition. (Available here)